Me and My Shadow

 

 Me and my shadow, strollin' down the avenue
--"Me and My Shadow," lyrics by Billy Rose

Shame, embarrassment, humiliation--these are the forces that divide the self into my ego--the part of myself that is recognized as self--and shadow--the part of myself that is seen as other. My ego is not consciously aware of shadow, but it sees shadow everywhere, all the time, outside myself, because my shadow is projected outward onto others. Shadow work is the development of awareness of and compassion for shadow, and eventually, the integration of shadow.

The popular fear regarding shadow is that deep inside, we're all axe murderers. It's the idea that my shadow is a dark cell imprisoning horrible monsters just waiting for the chance to leap out. But in reality, the shady prison holds sobbing children, spurned lovers, betrayed friendships.

 

All these imprisoned bits of self are guarded by complexes, habitual intense emotional reactions that defend my ego against shadow. Complexes are the real monsters, not the shadow itself. To keep from being overwhelmed and swept up by reactive emotions, meditation practice is a necessity. Simply becoming aware of complexes is a huge step. To work with shadow, I have to develop presence to the point where I can remain mindful while experiencing emotional eruptions. When a complex can be tolerated, then the pain underneath the fear and anger can be experienced.

 

Shadow work comes in many forms. Dreamwork, journaling, doing art, entering psychotherapy--these are just a few of the many ways to work with shadow. I'll look at several in the next few posts.

The Practice of Compassionate Presence

This post begins a series about spiritual practice. I’ve been meditating for nearly 50 years. I’ve attended several different types of retreats and programs and have incorporated bits and pieces from many of them into my practice. I’m also a husband, father, retired IT professional, and former editor. I can speak about practice from the context of everyday life, not from the point of view of some kind of enlightened master. I don’t claim that anything I say will be new or unique, but my perspective may be different from that of a spiritual teacher.

For me, spiritual practice has two aspects: the cultivation of presence or mindfulness, and the nurturing of compassion or open-heartedness. Compassionate presence, open-hearted mindfulness—this is the essence of spiritual practice. Both aspects support each other. Presence gives clarity and awareness. Without mindfulness, I’m at the mercy of my reactive patterns and mindless habits. But presence without compassion is brutality. Without compassion, I stand naked before my inner judge, with no hope of mercy.

Open-heartedness allows me to accept the pieces of myself that I have rejected, those parts of me that embarrass or disgust me and that I project outward onto others. The good news is that these bits of me also contain lost gifts. They are the doorway to my native wisdom. Without compassion, I risk falling into tyrannical cynicism. But compassion without mindfulness is ungrounded and potentially delusional.

Meditation is essential to the cultivation of mindfulness. Meditation nurtures the ability to be present with whatever arises without being overwhelmed. Shadow work is the wellspring of compassion. The shadow is the part of myself that I cannot recognize or accept. By working to become aware of and befriend my shadow, I develop compassion for myself and others.

Open-hearted mindfulness, compassionate presence--this is the focus of my practice. I'm a work in progress, not a finished product. I don't live each moment in complete mindfulness and total open-heartedness. But that's the direction I'm headed, I hope.