Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Greeting My Experience



Why do people give up on meditation? "I can't make my thoughts go away." "It's boring." "Nothing happens." "I get fidgety." These are all variations on the same theme: "When I meditate, I don't have the kind of experience I think I should have." All these reasons not to meditate miss the point of meditation. I don't meditate to have a certain kind of experience; I meditate to be more fully present with whatever experience happens while I meditate.

When I meditate, I try to have an open curiosity about whatever comes up. I don't foster an analytical curiosity, a type of curiosity that tries to identify and understand. Instead, I try to develop more of an artistic appreciation of whatever is happening, a curiosity about what this experience actually is. I don't try to resist or push away anything that arises. Instead, I try to greet everything, to welcome anything that comes up. This doesn't mean I try to like everything I experience while I sit. It's a little like wandering through a museum, or listening to a concert, or watching a movie. I may not like everything I'm seeing or hearing or feeling, but I try to appreciate everything as it is.

So, for example, if I'm having thoughts, I just recognize that I'm thinking, and I let it go. I may have the thought, "I'm thinking--I shouldn't be thinking!" Okay, I realize I had that thought, and I let it go. If I feel I've failed because I'm having thoughts, I say to myself, fine, I'm feeling failure--and then I let it go. The same applies to boredom--okay, I'm bored. No big deal, let it go, on to the next moment. If my entire meditation consists of me releasing thoughts or recognizing I'm bored, then that's what that meditation experience was. The point is to accept the truth of each moment, as it is, without resistance.

Over time, this ability to appreciate each moment begins to affect daily life. As I become less likely to react dramatically, I become better able to pause and consider what has happened, and then, I hope, to act more wisely. I become less caught up in regrets about the past and worries about the future; I become more involved with what is happening here and now.

This is the essence of meditative practice. It's not another means of controlling what is happening, it's not one more expectation to meet, it's not one more challenge that leads to either success or failure. It is simply allowing yourself to greet the present moment, whatever it is. Everything else that you might want to get from a meditation practice flows from this.

No comments: